I've been doing it for the last few months. Initially, it wasn't intentional. I got busy. Life began to unfold in its usual way: people, events, everyday nuances webbed together making time a rare commodity.
Time. It was something I wanted more of and could never get enough of.
Unconsciously, I slowly began to ease away from God. Soon, I noticed a difference in myself. A sort of callous aura enclosed my being. I was being hardened and I felt.......difference. I was behaving in ways I knew I shouldn't. I was being easily influenced by external factors that usually wouldn't reach any significant threshold with me. Instinctively, I began making prayers for a closer relationship with God; but nothing happened. The gaping distance continued growing and I began to feel a sense of shame: a feeling of knowing better but not being able to achieve better.
Now the intentional running began.
I was weary of trying to no avail and began to give into complacency. Although I didn't have time to devote to longer prayers, reading the Quran, or dhikr...I was praying 5 times a day and asking God for a closer relationship, I felt that it would be enough. I was doing the bare minimum and telling myself that it was O.K. I was going through the motions without exerting any real effort. I subconsciously justified my complacency by thinking: "If I'm trying (asking for a relationship with Him) then I should be fine". But I wasn't fine and I knew it, no matter how much I tried to ignore it.
Running away from God is easy.
But the perfect thing is He never runs or leaves us. He only provides us with a plethora of opportunities to get closer to Him.
Right on cue, I found myself in a bind. Things in my life were getting overwhelming. Feelings of anxiety, doubt, and uncertainty inundated me. I needed solace. I needed an escape. In desperation, I turned to Him earnestly and I called onto Him, as I had always done. These honest conversations I had with Him at my weakest point made me realize why my previous "trying" was not working. These conversations were from my heart, I needed Him and I called for Him with my being and my soul. It wasn't just words uttered in hopes of a quick fix. It was a true understanding and submission to the only One who could truly ease my burden and lighten my load. I began calling to Him to soften my heart, praying and surrounding myself with Him and His word. I began prying myself from the life that had complicated our relationship. Taking the time to worship sincerely, to remember and to appreciate His mercy and blessings. It was then I began to see the change in myself and I began to feel close to Him once again.
Running away from God is easy.
He never leaves us no matter how much we ignore, disregard or forget Him. He is always there when we need Him. Life will always throw things in our way, it will get complex and will demand all our time. We must always remember that our relationship with Allah is most important. It is what strengthen us to survive. It is our peace, our solace.
One of the most important achievements we can make is to develop a balance between our worldly affairs and our relationship with Allah. This takes work and dedication. It takes an awareness of self and an understanding of our expectations and individual limitations. We need to know when we are falling out of balance and to pull ourselves back. We need to grow and cultivate our relationship with our creator daily. We should avoid falling into mundane daily prayers instead we should maximize our multiple opportunities during our busy day to converse with Him and to draw close to Him. We must not function by words alone, we need the intention and then the action to effect change within ourselves, our hearts and our environment.
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